My Thoughts

Nihilism, the philosohpical position that values do not exist but rather are falsely invented. Am I a nihilist? Perhaps so. Let us ponder on this as it is explored. Well the main value I have been living by is that men are only human. Now I don't know about angels, but it's fear that gives men wings. Psychological fear especially. Fear tactics, the pedophiliac smile; I've basically mastered both aspects of fear. I know that fear being fear itself, there was no glory in this. I hadn't asked for this crap. Trouble had come to me, in big dark swarms. The good and the just, they were like gold dust in this city. I have no illusions. I am not one of them. I am no hero. Just me. My options had decreased to a singular course. I perhaps have taken the path of a nihilist, yet I got lost on the road of life. I bring no happiness, just simple melancholy. Philosophically speaking, there probably isn't any meaning in life. Perhaps you can find something interesting to do while you are alive. Like how you found that flower. Like how you subscribed to my blog. It is as though I fight for my sake only and live to love no one but myself. I have no reason, but I have discovered that any soul needs a purpose to live... and so I concluded that my purpose was to anihilate everyone besides myself. But why do I keep myself alive? Why do I bother keeping myself afloat? I was once told that the reason why big brothers were born first was to protect the little ones from those who come after them. Why protect, when you can destroy? Never have I protected anybody, nor do I expect it from anyone. Hypothetically, yes, I am swaying more towards agnosticism. Agnosticism, for your information, is the philosophical view that the truth value of certain claims — particularly metaphysical claims regarding theology, afterlife or the existence of deities, spiritual beings, or even ultimate reality — is unknown or, depending on the form of agnosticism, inherently impossible to prove or disprove. It is often put forth as a middle ground between theism and atheism, although it is not a religious declaration in itself and the terms are not mutually exclusive. Some people live like an ivy vine, they can only live by clinging onto the trees supporting them, which is their flaw. Evidently they need to put down some roots so someday they can stand on their own. If only I could control time. I want to buy more sand for my hour glass. Too bad nobody sells any. I know a person who only know too well the price of everything, but the value of nothing. I would definitely like to go back to my dream last night. I was surrounded by people whom I knew well and whom I thought I knew well, but then they changed. They became ghost-like, and I knew the appetites of ghosts intimately. They hungered for revenge. It's basically like this; you piece together a jigsaw and the final picture is you finishing that same puzzle, a mad golden-eyed killer standing behind you. An urban legend come true. And then in my dream last night, I felt as though just when you thought you had reached the deepest depths of horror, it suddenly got worse. How to turn off that small voice inside your head that started to whisper that you should be glad... that now, if not before, your revenge was justifiable on any conceivable moral scale. That small voice proved, beyond any doubt, that I was damned. I adore my dream last night, lucky it wasn't a wet dream as I heard that you can get wet dreams if you are very cold; I tried desperately to get sick by means of hypothermia and failed epically. yet in return, I got an awesome dream, yet it ended, like it sort of faded from my mind and when I woke up it was 8:25 am. Holy fuck, that was why I rocked up just in time for assembly at school today.

Keep reading and subscribe if you like, guys. I'll try to blog when I'm bored (which is like 24/7)
Ensique, Josiah